Life With Sulis

Goals, reevaluation of needs and wants:

My imediate goals are to make 1500 in the next 9 days. Not sure right this minute how I am going to do that but that is my goal.
I have a few options but none are for sure. Man if it wasn't so totally against my person moral convictions prostitution would be looking pretty good right about now.
I need to get my personal life in order. Getting there is something i am going to have to figure out.
I need to start taking better care of my body.
I need to find a new job that pays better. I really don't want to but money is what makes everything happen so its neccessary.

What I want out of life:
To be happy where i am and who I am
To have my primary relationships strong and happy
To feel like I am loved and cared for above all others by a man I feel the same for.
To have the option to do what I want wheather that be go to the mall with my daughter, have a baby, or get married or choose not to do any of the above. Right now I have no choice at all. I can't see my daughter I wont have a baby out of marriage again. I can't legally marry anyone. My life is so not stable enough for any of that anyways.
These things are the same things I have wanted since I was 16 years old probably younger then that. But they always seem just out of my reach.

I guess what I am looking for is to be loved as much as I love. Everyone I know is afraid and bitter and dman it if I didnt make them that way. Fuck if I know what exactly I did to do it. All I know is somewhere along the line I make people afraid or too angry to really show me love even if they really love me. Someone want to clue me in. Cause I don't want do this anymore I need to heal I need to feel cared about. How do I fix this? I dont honestly know where to begin.

sulis

posted by digitalsulis @ 3:17 PM