Life With Sulis

Responses and thanks:I wanted to post a few responses to post. Welcome a new member to our team and welcome back an old friend. I also wanted to give you all an update on what I am doing.So I can keep this somewhat organized I am going to number these responses. You know me though it will ramble and intertwine.

1. Welcome to the team Soulhuntre we look forward to your post. I truly hope to see plenty of them. I do however know your schedule and know wanting them and getting them are two entirely different things. Welcome back, lovely Lexa, I also always apreciate your insight. You know I often come to you to center myself. I hope that you always feel welcome and free to express yourself on these pages. To those of you who have not posted recently. Please come back to me. To us! We miss you. Tell us how you have been. Share with us where you are heading.

2.Response to Tatsumi: I have not had much time to chat lately. I enjoyed your journals on your trip to London. Wish you could have stuck me in your suitcase. ;) As for the baggage comment.I wonder if sometimes we all need to have that little trinket( that little silver warning) to warn those around us and to remind ourselves where are minds are. All of us have baggage in some way or another. Some travel light, a mear toothbrush and change of clothes carried in a pocket or on their back. Others of us bring everything but the kitchen sink and sometime we bring that too. Being closer to the person who has enough baggage to make even the most adept bell hop run in fear, The song Soul posted here.did also make me think maybe he has this weird insight into my brain. I have been struggling with my baggage of late. frustrated with my lack of progress. Frustrated with my fear (more on that later)Frustrated that I can't (won't) get passed it. Struggling with other's baggage. Both Digi's, Tal's, and Redneck's. KNowing that I am hopelessly intertwined in the lives of these men. Knowing that I can not feasibly extricate myself from their lives without repercussions I am not prepared to accept. Knowing that the three of them are testing me and training me. To be patient, to be kind, to watch my back, to learn empathy, and above all to learn about myself. So back to Tats, Know that while I do not pretend to know all of what your baggage entails, I feel for you, I know how hard it can be to stand up under the weight and hold your head up and have some semblance of self. I apploud you for your perserverance, I can only imagine the frustrations and pain you have had to endure. Keep it up and know we are all standing behind you. All watching you, not to judge you but to get to know you better and in doing so get to know ourselves.

3. Soulhuntre: Over the years I have quoted him several time. Many of you who really know me probably think that I have a Soul fetish so to speak. I though I would address this now becuase someone has emailed me about it and I want to be absolutly clear to both the public and to Soul himself. Soul, Kimi, and later Tats and Flagg have been a daily part of my life for almost 8 years. (or is it 9) Its been so long I forget exactly when. I know I have talked a little about where Kimi fits into things. About Kimi helping me deal with a fundimental part of my mind that has caused me problems in the past because I fought it, feeling it a weakness. She helped me come to terms with it. (Although, it is an ongoing struggle.) A few years ago, I sought Soul out, after a lengthy discussion with kimi, I harrassed him with all kinds of questions. read everything I could about him or by him, In my typical, Nancy drew style, tried to research who he really was, The reality of who KJ appears to be is and was far more complicated then I was prepared and wanted to see. I began to realize that I could relate to almost everything he said. (he is a prolific writer, on everything from computers to gunplay ;-P) The more I read the more I was drawn to know more. In the beginning I was afraid of him. So afraid I had a difficult time speaking when he was present, I sensored myself harshly in his presense. You would have to know this man has the sweetest softest voice in the world (giggles except when he is mad---damn I miss that audio) I was still afraid, The fear was mainly because he seemed to have the uncanny ability to address issues I was having before I had them. Not directly at me but in his public forum. He would address issues I was grappling with and force me in his unusual thought pattern to look at my situation in a different light. More often then not his input has made a profound difference in my life. Learning that he was human and had all the same fears and desires as we all do helped me get through the darkest times in my life. His influence has shaped my way of thinking and being. So the moral of this long rambling story is yes I have a Soul fetish but not in the way everyone thinks. (though honestly he is a really good looking smart man) I feel the way I do and watch so intently for his next post becuase he speaks to a primal part of me that very few get to. To a part of me that justs knows and reacts. Weather that it to stand and fight or fall to floor and kiss some leather.

3. I have been extremely busy, not online much, I will post more about fear after I get back from work. I miss you all and hope you all have a great day. hugs and kisses sulis

posted by digitalsulis @ 5:44 AM