Life With Sulis

The Girl2 Crew: At the end of August sometime close to my Birthday (August 27,1970 you do the math) Girl2 will have been a daily part of my life for 8 years. They have helped me deal with loss, seperation, anxiety, growth, celebrated my victories and helped me through my weaknesses. Over the years, I have come to rely on them when I need inspiration. I have learned that I can idolize someone and they can still be imperfect and thats OK. Over the years through their trial and error I have learned many things. What to do and what not to do. What works and what doesn't. Vicarously I have experienced many things through them. They made me feel less like a freak and more like a strong woman.They let me know it was ok to be who I am flaws and all. I want them to know I love them for that. It is the reason I will go out of my way to help them out when I can. What they have given me in piece of mind I can never repay. I only hope that someday I can do the same for them.

This post comes in part in response to a post from Soulhuntre Read it here As I watch them once again restructuring their lives. It has brought my to mind of my own situation. Having to rethink where I am going and how I am going about things. I am nearing my 33rd birthday. I am still married but seperated. Still with only 1 of my 3 beautiful children. Still without my bachelors. still living paycheck to paycheck. Still in relationships with people that may or may not be healthy for me. When I was young I always had 2 back up plans. I was meticulours about it. If one plan didnt work their where always 2 backups. I made my mistakes but I always knew where to go from their. I just don't have the focus anymore. I am just not sure of where it is I WANT TO BE, WHO IT IS I AM, or even WHOM I WANT TO BE WITH. If you don't know what you want, how can you go about making it happen. For some years now I have been searching for these answers. And while i feel closer to that revelation I have not reached it yet. I am still learning from my many mistakes. Still trying to make right all the karmicaly disasteroius things I have managed to do in my past.

I wish Soul that you would hurry up and put that response thing on your blog. In true response to your blog. I wanted to say it is amazing at how few people know that something as simple as a few words can make such a difference. It works both ways though. What you say to the ones you love in anger you can never take back. That person weather they realize it or not will always have a memory of the words you say. I can vividly recall a fight where all that was needed to end it was a simple yes I did it. but instead an impulse NO! detroyed ever bit of trust (and I trusted this person with my Soul at the time) and most of my love. From that point on our relationship was never the same. One of the things I love about Digi. Is he has always pulled no punches. He has told me when he was afraid. Told me when he was angry. Not in a mean way just in a truthful way. I always know where I stand with him. We are friends formost of all our complex interactions. Contrary to everyone's belief Sex is not the basis of relationship. Honestly we both have so many difficult issues around which we are grappling it is difficult to be close in that way for us. We have learned to comfort eachother in other ways. As Soul has just learned through simple words of love and appreciation. We say something sweet to eachother. And often that is eneogh. IT makes the world for me. Smooths over the bumps. Helps me through the rough areas by letting me know I am not alone. That the person I care about deeply cares about me too.

I think learning to say something sweet to those around us is an important lesson that everyone needs to learn for society to grow and prosper.Learning to let the ones we love know that we care is vitally important to our survival as a communial entity. Try it yourself "SAY SOMETHING SWEET" to those you love and watch what kind of changes come out of it. It will amaze you what can be accomplished by people who know they are special.

posted by digitalsulis @ 7:00 AM