Life With Sulis

sulis ~

Just sitting here at work, trying to find something to occupy my mind, when i started thinking about how the relationship [He] and i have is similar to D/s relationships... very alike, yes, i know. Was thinking about the fights W/we've been getting into and what role i slip into when i finally take the initiative to back down. Here's where this thought is leading to:

How effective do you think it would be to bring discipline into the relationship? On one hand, i don't think [He] would like it too much that He has to 'discipline' me for something that i should already/innately know/do. OK, that's great when i KNOW what i should be doing AND agree with it... but what happens when those two don't coincide?? We get into a huge argument. He get's angry at me. I get hurt and/or pissed. Our day is ruined... yada yada yada.

How do you think our relationship would differ if we made it more D/s based, with more emphasis on discipline? I'd like to start testing and reinforcing submissive behaviors, because i know backing down is one of my biggest weaknesses. I want to explore the 'deeper' submission that i have heard so many other subs talk about.

I really think [He] could get into it if it were presented right. i want to be able to show a deeper conviction to Him, at the most difficult times. At this point, i can't even seem to do it when all is peachy.... that's not necessarily true, but during any little discussion we have, i push it too far because i can't just drop it or back down.

i am working on keeping my mouth shut, writing things down, and going over them later... but it's not 100% fool-proof, so we are still getting into slightly heated discussions. i was hoping that maybe discipline would work as a double catch. i don't keep my mouth shut, i get punished. Makes perfectly good sense to me.. doesn't mean that what was needed to be said will remain stuffed... it just means that not only will i have to write something down, i will also be punished for not doing it sooner. Do you see where i'm going with this?

[He], however, contradicts Himself plenty when it comes to my role. He was raised around very submissive women, so He expects the same from me. The thing that is different is that they were brutally beaten into that submission. I call them mindless bitches because i doubt thoughts other than their Husband/Boyfriend's ever crossed their minds. They do not have self... they are property. [He] expects behaviors from me that are derived from the fundamentals of the mindset of property, but has a phobia about it at the same time. He loves it, but would hate for anyone that He loves to be treated like that... although, the habits and mannerisms of those women are what He wants... w/o the mindless part... Make sense? Frustrating yet? Confusing at times? HELL YES!!

Any piece of advise or insight would be helpful.

BTW: i'll be doing some out-loud relationship work on blogger if you'd like to follow what is going on.

posted by digitalsulis @ 12:25 AM