Life With Sulis

The Light at the end of the tunnel and other mythical creatures:
I see it I see it its a tiny speck of light but its there. Maybe miles and miles ahead but I do see the light. Its seems like all my life I have lived in this sorta soap oprah world. Where new dirt gets slung at me every day. Where the world never seems in tune to what I need or want. Where the time is never right to do the things I desperatly need to do. I reached an ephiany of sorts while I was laying drugged in the ER this Monday. Thank god for drugs was one. The other is it will never be the right time to do what I need to do and since I NEED to do them I just NEED to do the things I NEED to do. Ok it made better sence to my drugged brain the it does looking at it on the page. I guess I reached that carpe diem stage in my life. or the Nike JUST DO IT! It took the man I am falling more and more in love with to help me realize that I will never be able to please everyone all the time. Someone is always gonna be pissed at me or irritated with me or something even if it is not my fault. Sometimes people just need to have a scapegoat and because I don't tend to lash back at people I am the perfect target.

I have been talking to a couselor for a while now because I had been convinced by others that I must be insane or at the very least emotional fucked. I am neither. I just am who I am. Who is that? Who is this Sulis person?

Sulis is alot of things. Sometimes Funny sometimes not. Sometimes sweet sometimes not. Sometimes a bitch most of the time not. I care for people (its a weakness that can very well get my in over my head) I love as unconditionally as a human can. I believe in the power given to us to create, share, heal,.... I have many faults. One of which is I like to talk to people. I trust too easily, I tend to get in over my head because I want to help people. I talk to vaguely so people tend to twist my words. I have to force myself to do everyday maintance because life is so full of new things to learn who has time for all that shit. there is soo many more fraility I could list them and i know some people will want to add a few choice words to the list. Its fine. I guess in some ways I am those things too. Everyone is. Not one person amoung us can say they are perfectly honorable beings. I just try to do the best I can with the information and resources I have at hand. Plan and simple. I can't do anything more. there is a song i wanted to attach to this that really says it much better but I will have to look for it and post it later.
well i have to get going I am tired and i have a ton of things to do.
laters. sulis

posted by digitalsulis @ 8:18 PM