Soulhuntre wrote:
Core/Dump: the stuff in my head...: "Homework...
I am off to see Tatsumi so I only have a moment. As your homework, reflect on the following:
'I swear, by my life and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another human being, or ask another human being to live for mine.' - Ayn Rand
Consider then how that concept, as with others of Objectivism, will interact with issues of service, training and ownership. When I get a chance tomorrow, I am hoping to discuss those interactions here. if you have thoughts on it, let me know .
Later!
ed note: this is post 1,501 in this log. Thanks to all who support me in it.
07.19.2003 21:23:16 / Soulhuntre
Lifestyle / tb view (0) / tb link / # "
I have struggled with this idea for as long as I can remember. I grew up in an addictive family. From a very young age I have always felt somehow responsible for my parents. My parents buried themselves into their work and other things and left us kids at home. So I grew up taking care of my brothers and sisters. When I was a teenager I was already a mother, before I turned 21 I was married. I have never had a time when I wasn't responsible for someone. There has never been a time when there wasn't someone there to take care of. It was who I was. How I identified myself. I was so and sos wife. I was so and so's mommy. so and so's duaghter. Then one day, January 2002 to be exact. All that changed. Suddenly I was alone with noone to care for and no one to identify with. I as devestated. I didn't know what to do. I had never ever in my life been alone. I had never ever been away from my kids. For awhile there I began to believe that my life was over. That I was better off dead. Without those people that made me who I was I might as well not exist. I honestly didn't know what to do with myself. I was going mad with all the free time I now had because of all the messes I didn't have to clean up, all the questions I didn't have to answer, All the bills I didn't have to pay.
I didn't know how to live my life without living it for someone else. To be honest I still haven't figured that one out. Like I said a few days ago. When I talked about my illusions. Even when I don't have someone to live for I just make one up to fill the void. I know its sad and pathetic. But I honestly don't know how to fill that void. I wish I knew. Maybe I would have a much happier life. All I know is I feel no drive to live with out having someone to live for.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home