Sunday, August 10, 2003

Its all just an act - and other stupid assumptions: One of my favorite quotes ever comes from Shakespeare's Merchant of venice Act 1 scene 2. In it Portia says:
If to do were as easy as to know what were good to do,
chapels had been churches, and poor men's cottages princes'
palaces. It is a good divine that follows his own instructions; I
can easier teach twenty what were good to be done than to be one
of the twenty to follow mine own teaching
The Merchant of Venice by William Shakespeare: Act 1 Scene 2 - The Literature Page


Everyone keeps asking me what I feel what I think What I want. The truth is thought that they really don't want to hear what I have to say. They just want to feel good about themselves for asking the right questions. (now admittedly there are those out there that really do care and I know you all know which group you fall into, ignore the rest of this post if you know it doesn't apply to you) I don't want to be involved any more. Unless you really give a shit and you are not going to cause a problem for me in one way or another don't ask. I'm sorry I just can't deal right now.

The pain has become bad enough to warrent me being drugged most of the time and I am still not very comfortable. I am trying to be there for the few friends I do have around me but I am finding it very difficult to follow along right now. Not there fault I do wish i could be there more but right now I just don't have the energy. not that I don't love you guys but I just have enough energy to focus on my family and thats it.

Basically I am trying to focus on what I need to do to make life better for the people in my family and myself. Trying to make myself healthy and happy again is a big job. It's been a long hard struggle and I am sorry if some people don't like the person I have become but being fucked with enough makes you not trust anyone and do whatever you have to to protect yourself and the ones you love. Maybe this stone thing is just my bodies way of getting rid of all the damn poisons i have held inside all these years.

Here is to being pain free soon. Wish me luck. luv ya.

congrats babyd on the new addition I know you wheren't expecting it to happen like this but I know you are going to find it fits perfectly.

congrats to ms poma and here little friend on their new home. I hope it finally brings you peace.

congrats to Soul and the girls for getting the T1 back i know you have been wanting it for a while.

Congrats to zeph for his new job.

MR Q get some balls.

Dark Sir and his queen and jester I would aprecate a quick hi I am alive sometime soon. Everyone has been looking for you.

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