Life With Sulis

The future is Now! I have decided that I think to much. Over analysis things. Makes me crazy. People say things that start to make me question the very fundamental points of my inner self. Last night I realized some things about myself that I knew but needed a little reminder about. I like who I am, What you see is what you get. I am a little crazy, a little serious, a little flirty, a little uptight, a little bitchy, and a little sweet. I study in contrasts. I don't like to hide anything from the people around me. When I feel I have to keep things to myself I feel like there is a wall between me and whomever I am having to keep things from. I hate that.

I want everyone to know I am me take it or leave it. Deal with who I am and stick around on my terms or don't. Yes, I may be hurt to lose you but hey I finally got to a place in my life where I actually like myself for the most part. I will always have some things that I am working on. But for the most part I like who I am. I think I am a good person. Weather you do or not doesn't matter. Because in the end like it has been said over and over agian. I am the only one I have to see in the mirror.

To Digi I hope you get the job. I miss you. I know having this job will help you feel more valued and more in control. I can see the man who laughed while I cried rolling around on the floor of my new apartment. The guy who knelt on his knees in the mud in the pooring rain to show me that I was not alone. Know that I appreciate everything you have done for me. You have always been there for me even when I probably didn't deserve it. I know standing aside has been hard. I know letting me find my way on my own has been painful for you. I just want you to know I apreciate it. It means alot to me that you have the faith in me to stick with me through everything. I hope someday that things won't be so hard for you. I have faith that you will meet all those dreams we talked about during those long midnight talks. Don't be afraid of what you feel because love is never wrong. Thank you. You know I am always here for you.

Miss Poma I wish I could wave a magic wand and make everything perfect. But I can't Sometimes guys get scared and push buttons to remind themselves that they are worth being loved. You have to live in the faith that if your realationship is ment to be that you two will be together eventually. Sometimes you have to say goodbye for a little bit to heal the wounds that have accumulated. Sometimes saying goodbye helps you both see things in better perspective allowing you to connect in a deeper and stronger way. Stay focused on what you need to do for the future. Becuase it would be horrible if you let this chance go and sometime down the road you two fix things up and you have to start all over again. Focus like he is still there. pretend if you have to. Call him everyday in your head or on paper/blog. Think about what he would want you to do if he was healthy and focused on the future and act accordingly. You know I am always here for you. How could I not you are me. Just remember you are not alone, you always have a home. You are always loved. Mistakes and all. Get yourself straight so you can be a healthy part of the relationship. Faith its all you need.

Soul you have no idea how much it helps me to know I have someone who I can call when I am feeling lost or alone. Wish I was closer because I would so love to learn what you are doing and be able to help you in a more tangible way. You know how to get a hold of me if you need anything I could help with. Oh and I miss the audio. {{giggles}} Cue cards can be exciting too. kisses and hugs

sulis

posted by digitalsulis @ 4:11 AM 0 comments

Thanks to a little angel I now have my stuff back. Woohoo! It was like Christmas all over again. I found clothes I haven't fit into for ages. It was like getting back from the mall. I was trying on this and that. It was a blast. Found stuff I didn't know I lost.

Digi's interviews went really well and he should know in a few days what it going to happen. Wish him luck. It's about time he gets paid what he is worth or at least close to it.

Heard a song and it made me think about the things I have been dealing with lately. Have had to say good bye to a lot of people and habits. Its hard to say good bye.

PATTY LOVELESS


How Can I Help You To Say Goodbye?
(Burton Banks Collins/Karen Good Taylor)

Through the back window of a '59 wagon
I watched my best friend Jamie slippin' further away
I kept on waving 'till I couldn't see her
And through my tears, I asked again why we couldn't stay
Mama whispered softly, Time will ease your pain
Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same

And she said, How can I help you to say goodbye?
It's OK to hurt, and it's OK to cry
Come, let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye?

I sat on our bed, he packed his suitcase
I held a picture of our wedding day
His hands were trembling, we both were crying
He kissed me gently and then he quickly walked away
I called up Mama, she said, Time will ease your pain
Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same

And she said, How can I help you to say goodbye?
It's OK to hurt, and it's OK to cry
Come, let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye?

Sitting with Mama alone in her bedroom
She opened her eyes, and then squeezed my hand
She said, I have to go now, my time here is over
And with her final word, she tried to help me understand
Mama whispered softly, Time will ease your pain
Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same

And she said, How can I help you to say goodbye?
It's OK to hurt, and it's OK to cry
Come, let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye?

How can I help you to say goodbye?

posted by digitalsulis @ 12:21 AM 0 comments