Life With Sulis

Had a very nice dinner with babyd last night. Spent a couple of hours bouncing things off of him and listening to him talk. Sometimes its just nice to listen to a guy get all excited about things. He showed me his new pads that he got a really good deal on and I am sooo stoked for him to start playing hockey. I can't wait to watch. I might go watch him and BIGD play football here in a couple of weeks also. He hasn't allowed me to do that yet but he is feeling more confident about his football abilities so he said it was cool with him if I came and watched. You must understand those who are new at knowing me that I am obsessed with football. I was an atheltic trainer for 16 years in football. At one time I had one of the biggest football sites on the net. I love the sport, to both watch and play. maybe next year when I am feeling more confident about my running and catching abitlity i will play on one of the leagues with them.
Speaking of sports. I had wanted to play softball this spring but I kinda missed the start date. So i am going to practice in the meantime and have myself on the list for the next start date. I also set a goal for me to do the 3 day walk in october. (for breast cancer) I will post more about that later because I will need y'alls help with that one. To get ready for that I am setting a goal to do one walk a month till then starting in march. (february is going to be difficult because of Penny's wedding) So my first one will be the
14th annual heart walk on March 4th IF you live out here come out and join me. message me and I will make arrangements to meet with you around 8am that day for signin. It will be fun to do this together.
well i am off to have lunch with the kids and tal and his gf. hope everyone is doing well. hugs and kisses

posted by digitalsulis @ 11:46 AM 0 comments

Sigh
I am so tired of this job. I liked it when I had everything working smoothly but Apparently, the new girl wants to point out all the faults in my procedures. I can't deal with this. I mean they don't pay me nearly enough to put up with her calling me at 11:45pm to tell me the same thing she told me earlier in the day and then turn around and pretend like she didn't hear me and write a note to my boss like I didn't give her the information in the first place.

I am seriously considering quitting. I am actively looking for a new job. I have to find someone to do schoolwork with mimi as I will probably get a regular full time job. I don't want to but I refuse to be dependent on someone else to take care of me.

I am seeing a counselor to deal with my panic attacks. She laughed when I told her that Tal had once told me I was as crazy as my mother. She told me that the feelings I was having was perfectly normal and that considering I am a child of a bipolar parent she is amazed that I am not drug addicted or alcohol addicted. I laughed and told her I am probably the only 35 yo I know who can honestly say I have never done drugs. I drink alcohol very occasionally and maybe 4 times in my life did I actually get drunk. I have always been a scaredy cat about getting caught doing something wrong so I am a stickler for rules. I try to follow them to the letter when possible. Plus I watched what drugs and alcohol do to wonderful people. I never want to have to subject my family and friends to that kind of problem. Anyways, so she is helping me deal with the panic attacks and letting vent all the stupid crap that festers in my brain.

Sometimes its nice to be able to vent to someone I know isn't involved or knows any of the people invovled. Being able to say God this person is driving me nuts because ..... makes that person so much easier to deal with later because I don't have all that resentment filling up my soul.

Saw the doctor today, they want to do another ultrasound of my kidney its still very point tender and I desperatly need it to be taken care of. My surgery for all of these issues will be taken care of after I get back from Penny's wedding {btw can someone explain to me how you link to someones lj like y'all do when you are posting)Kimi if you read this btw could you ask animal what she and Flagg want for their wedding gift. Or is there some registry they have? ::Cracks an evil grin. Pondering what Flaggs registry would look like.:: Wow I suddenly feel the urge to go through my journal and do a spelling and grammer check. hehehe.

I wonder sometimes if you are supposed to be so confused still about life when you are 35. I mean I thought I would have it all figured out by now. In reality, I often feel more confused now about where I am going and what I want, Now then When I was 18. What the hell is up with that.

well i better get going my dvd is done burning. talk soon.
hugs

posted by digitalsulis @ 3:03 AM 0 comments

Ok people post more. I NEED to know what is going on. I guess I am feeling a little bit needy lately. I am trying desperately to get back to a healthier way of life. This means way more balance in life. I am losing weight and really I am not doing anything more then I was before. Except drinking more water and going to sleep when I feel tired. I joined a gym a while ago and with the help of a personal trainer have developed an exercise program that works for me.

I am really conflicted right now because I am moving ahead and I am not sure where that is leading me. There are whole parts of my person who want to settle down and be the princess and do the whole Stepford wife thingy. But there is a whole other side of me that really wants to go out and explore the world and take it by force. I guess it is why I have kept Digi and Babyd around for so long. They both give me something to feed both sides of my personality. Unfortunately, they are two different guys and as such incompatible with long term relationship as such that I ultimately am looking for. If they just had one of those machines like on WOW that transforms you into something else I could stick them both in it and maybe come up with the perfect man. Damn did I type that. I am getting brave in my old age. Where do I find a house that this whole thing could work out in. I need my friendship, pampering, and adventure but I also need the stability, family, and sex. Yes, sorry sis but sex is still very important to me. Why the hell do you think I have a 25 year old boyfriend?

Speaking of them, Digi is having trouble with the mcp exam. In reality it is just that he doesn't want to do it. He thinks that it will tie him down to being a tech for his entire life. Which personally I think is bullshit but what do I know. He is trying to get info on being a QA specialist. That job would be right up his alley as he loves to pick things apart. They call him cap boy because he can spot a busted capacitor on a board from a mile away. It is really rather funny. As for Babyd, he is drowning himself in what he loves. His schedule just added hockey. I can't wait till his first game. I have been waiting forever to watch him play hockey. He is really good on the ice. He took me and kids skating. The baby hurt himself but hey it was fun. This means that the only day he is not playing sport till like midnight is Sunday. Can you believe that he has asthma so bad that it once literally killed him? I am so glad god decided he didn't want him that day. I don't know what I would have done for the last 7 years without Digi and Babyd.

On other wierd news, Tal and I are actually getting along. He has a girlfriend that is a special ed teacher so maybe that is the reason. ::winks:: She is really nice to the kids and that is all I ask. We are all going out for lunch this weekend. I can't believe it he is getting rid of his bike. He says he doesn't have time to ride it anymore and he wants something more "family". hmmmm not going there. Anyways so that is a nice change.

On the home front i am happily awaiting my trip. I am getting things together. I was thinking about making a couple of outfits. I am just not sure what I am going to do. I want to do too many things and its just not possible to do them all. I am making small but meaningful changes in my life. It’s time to grow up. I am not really ready but I have to. I can't stay little sulis forever. No matter how badly I want to.

Kimko, animal, Digi and I (and soon Soulhuntre) are playing wow on the Sin Jin server (yes I know that is not how you spell it so sue me)I love it. We have a vent server now so maybe it will be like old times and kimi and I can yell back and forth to each other over the computer. Man those where simpler times then. Talking to her last night reminded me how much I missed just shooting the breeze with her. PUT YOUR CAM BACK UP DAMNIT.

Well, I better get my butt to work. I added posting to my list of things to do so hopefully you will get at least one a day. Love y'all. Laters!

posted by digitalsulis @ 9:35 AM 0 comments

This is a rant so don't read if you don't want to hear my opinion.


What is wrong with the world today by Sulis:

Today I realized what is wrong with today’s kids. They have no idea what competition is. What Winning and losing is about. We have coddled them into believing that as long as they "TRY" everything is cool. Well, it’s not. Sometimes shit is tough and sometimes your best isn't good enough. Giving up is not an option. All this crap about “don't give them grades because it might hurt their self esteem” has made America weak. Don't play sport or don't keep track of scores if you do play them is asinine. How will our children ever develop pride in their accomplishment if nothing means anything? It’s frustrating as hell, as an educator, to see our children losing because people are afraid we might hurt their widdle bitty feelings. BULLSHIT!!! Life is all about trials and tribulations. The measure of your life and how happy it will be comes from how well you learn to adapt and grow from what life throws at you. Coddling our children hasn't taught them anything more then that nothing, including human life, has value. Is it a wonder that we are slowly sliding downhill in the superpower race. People remember, OUR CHILDREN ARE OUR FUTURE! Make sure they are damn well ready to claw their way to the top. Teach them manners, teach them sportsmanship, teach them diplomacy, but make them understand that sometimes they will lose and what matters then is how they grow from there.

End rant!
Hope everyone is doing well. I am reorganizing. Hugs!

posted by digitalsulis @ 9:58 AM 0 comments

its been a very very long week. I have had a migraine i can't shake despite all the pain reliever and imitrix in the world. I am NOT dehydrated like I am usually when this happens so I can't figure out what is triggering this one. Have a new coworker who is driving me nuts. She called me at 11:45pm on Saturday night. I wanted to shoot her. I am really frustrated with this situation and am not sure where I want to go with it. All of this frustration has brought on a huge amount of stress in my life because i started to think about what I really want. Poor Digi and Babyd don't know what hit them. Babyd has to listen to me sort out all the crap in my head and Digi I know feels like I am blasting him left and right for not doing things "RIGHT". I mean I realize that he has had some crappy things done to him by the women he loved but shit new flash "SHE IS NOT ME" I have never and will never do those things to you. I have way more class then that. Tear down the damn wall its ok I am not going to fuck with your head. But I do need and want to be treated like the princess that I am. This doesn't require a whole lot on anyones part. I am far from high maintenance. I prefer to do things on my own. But I do occasionally want to be swept off my feet and taken away somewhere to just be sulis and not someones mommy or landlord.

Speaking of which, I can't wait till February. I get to meet up with 2 very cool people and hopefully see rei and Cowboy> Y'all have no idea how nice it is going to be just to be Sulis for a few days. To get to do adult things that dont involve being responsible for anyone else. I am hoping that I will come home refreshed and ready to function more smoothly again.

I miss my flylady so I am going back to it. The structure of it makes me feel safe and happy. I love routines and order. I am freaking out about the chaos that is my life right now and I need to take it back. People need to understand that I need time and attention to. I can't give if i have nothing to give left.


Hopefully i will have a more concise post tomorrow. I have a ton of crap in my head and posting it all now would just confuse some people and or make them feel bad which is not my intention. I just need to continue sorting them out.

posted by digitalsulis @ 9:26 PM 0 comments