Tuesday, October 23, 2001

Well its been a long week and an intresting one. I learned alot about myself some good some bad. I learned some of my weaknesses and some my strengths. I brought myself to beg and was flat out denied. But maybe its all good. Maybe last night was the permission to stop punishing myself and start living. I am stripped of everything and now I am just me. No where to go but up. Nothing to do but shine my smile and find what it is that makes me tick. Last night was a catharsis for me in that I realized alot of pent up feelings for people in my life. I learned that I am not fully cleansed of the baggage from 10 years of marriage to Tal. Now before anyone says anything to me about this I want to set the record straight. At NO time have I ever said that I was perfect or that I have done nothing to destroy the marriage that Tal and I had. I got depressed and the more depressed I felt the less I accomplished until finally I was not even doing anything. Tal saw this and he became depressed and more and more angry and resentful. Which became a vicous cycle that even after 10 months apart we still can't seem to face. I am still angry and I prolly will be for awhile as I sort all this stuff out in my head. Oh and btw D_z thanks for being there for me today. It means alot to me to have someone there for me when I feel so alone. Time will heal. I hope for everyones sake it happens quickly. I love y'all. I have a song that has been stuck in my head all day I will share it later I am late right now. laters. sulis

posted by digitalsulis @ 1:32 PM 0 comments

Monday, October 22, 2001

I do know what you are talking about here sulis... Though, I think I have a bit different thinking on it, only because of my situation. It seems like while in Phx, everything was going wrong in daily life. Luck was far from being on my side, and it seemed like I was working up-hill.. Now since I've been in Chico (both times) things fall into place or seem like they are 'meant to be.' So much so that it almost feels like some powerful force which once worked as my opposition, is now my servant. I'm not sure that I want to say that this is the case with you, because only you know what is best for you. By all means I am not judging your descisions here.. just wanted to let you know that I can relate pretty well, and wish you the best...

posted by PoMaBear @ 9:21 PM 0 comments