Life With Sulis

Down to business: Ochre showed up at my house this evening as he often does (personally I really think he covets my fat pipe heheheheheheh) Anyway, He shows up and has a final bill for the SRP. I need to take care of. So I explained what I was going to do with the bill and that I would make sure he was kept informed of the status of everything. He looked at me and said hmmmmm you are in business mode. I stopped and said what. Mainly because he is the 3 person that has said something to that effect today. Apparently the little extra red blood cells that have creeped back into my body have helped with my energy, still falling asleep with out notice but hey you can't have everything. (Kinda scary sorta I get so tired that I was sitting here looking through picture of dragoncon for kimi and poof I was asleep I didn't even stir until almost 04:30. )Well, Since I found the organization thing, it has been so much easier to keep things in order and get things done. Which in turn makes me feel good and well you know for once I am on a good spiral.

Side Note: just got webcamXP So my cam is back up but We haven't set an address yet. I'll post a link as soon as I have it set.

Day synopsis: got up at 06:30 and got the baby showered and dressed and myself also. Left for the doctors about 8am got there at exactly 9am saw the doctor. Got a perscription for the baby. Left and called Tal and 2 other places to make appointments. Tal was still busy at work so Left and went to get my Depo shot. That was funny and I am happy that I had had another appointment that day or the hour drive would have really ticked me off, but the nurse told me oh I am sorry but the date they gave you last time was wrong. You are not due for 2 more weeks and your insurance wont pay it any sooner. So I made an appointment for 2 weeks in the future. and off We went. I called Tal and we made plans to meet at a conviences store. Met him he visit with the baby and the baby showed him all his papers and junk and his shiny new lost tooth. We got a drink and got back in the car. Tal left to go back to work and I called the school and checked when the pinkfuzzytb hd lunch. It was close to that time so we grabbed some lunchables and headed for her school. Had a good lunch with my duaghter. Was nice to see her. I miss her sooo much. It hurts to leave her. Headed back towards home. Dropped by Babyd's to pick up the Powershot S10 and a label maker. Wooohooo more organization. Got home and talked to The landlord and he is going to bring me the paint and the parst I need for my laundry room and change my locks. I don't want anyone else to have my keys to my house.

cleaned up few things around the house. threw out the garbage. did some homework with the baby. Had some cold cheeseburger mac for dinner and a little bowl of chocolate chip ice cream. Did some work for a friend. spent some time chatting online with a very old friend. I'll talk about that and put a link up tomorrow. Right now I am about to fall asleep I can feel it coming to get me. Chatted with Digi online. chatted with a couple of other friends. Which to me seemed very productive today much more so then most days. I also got a few calls that made my evening. Had a nice conversation sayiing good night to my little girl.

Read to my kid and tucked him in. SPent some time on the phone with a friend. I didn;t realize how much I had missed talking to her like that. I need to sleep fading fast. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

posted by digitalsulis @ 11:32 PM 0 comments

I think I am feeling Faint: I think the lyrics say it all. Time won't heal.....

I am a little bit of loneliness a little bit of disregard
Handful of complaints but I can’t help the fact that everybody can see
these scars
I am what I want you to want what I want you to feel
But it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you, to just believe
this is real
So I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here cause you want what I've got

[Chorus]
(I can't feel the way I did before)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)
(Time won't heal this damage anymore)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)

I am a little bit insecure a little unconfident
Cause you don't understand I do what I can but sometimes I don't make
sense
I say what you never wanna say but I've never had a doubt
It's like no matter what I do I can't convince you for once just to hear
me out
So I let go watching you turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here 'cause you’re all that I've got
...

Linkin Park - Faint Lyrics

posted by digitalsulis @ 9:27 PM 0 comments

Clutter Lives: I got this in my email (if you wrote this and you want me to delete it please email me at digitalsulis@cox.net) It is from same group I wrote about earlier. This little testimonial hit nerve. It was the fact of my life for so long. It hurts just to read it. Thinking about all the damage that was done. Doing my best to correct that now but sometimes I wonder if it even makes a difference to some people. Somepeople don't ever believe. But thats oOK! I know the truth and that is the most important part. Either they will or they won't figure it out that things have changed, either way it doesn't change anything for me other then makeing life a little more difficult having to fight against years of built up resentment and anger. I hope these words will help you get yourself out of this spiral if you are in it before you do to much damage to the people and things that you love. Join the group here. Flylady.net

Dear Friends,

Why do we torture ourselves with our clutter?

You know exactly what I am talking about.

We have piles everywhere. Stuff we are going to need one day and we
might not be able to afford it then. So we had better hold on to it.
Do you hear this "Oh Poor Me" attitude.

This stuff is going to kill you. Are you listening to me? All the
piles of clutter are filling your life with guilt and this guilt is
hurting your body and spirit.

I have found that many of our members suffer from chronic illness.
Immune diseases: Stress and guilt are contributors to these illnesses.
My mother has had Rheumatoid Arthritis for 20 years. I have studied
this disease and it is a result of an immune system going crazy. Many
other diseases have the same basis: Fibro Myalgia, Lupus, Thyroid
problems, and some types of diabetes. There are colds, flu, sore
throats and allergic reactions that are also caught because our
immune system is not working well.

The stress that is in our lives from our clutter, our chaotic homes,
and our hectic lives is slowing and painfully killing us. Are you
prepared to die this tortured death? Do you want to sit on the
sidelines while your husband and children enjoy life without you,
while you sit home and suffer with this clutter draining your life's
energy.

This clutter pushes your family away. Your home should be a safe
haven for you and your family, but when it is cluttered all of you
find ways to be away from home. You dread walking in the door to face
this wall of stuff and undone jobs. Let's face it, It is guilt. So
you enroll your children in extra activities, any thing to get away
from this guilt that surrounds you at home. You all know what I am
talking about. With our lives filled with this clutter, we are unable
to have anyone over.

You all know the C.H.A.O.S. Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome. This
pushes the people we love away. It also keeps us from taking care of
things we need to have fixed: Leaky faucets, heating problems and
stopped up drains. We are ashamed to have anyone in the house to fix
them, because of our clutter. I had one member that would not call an
ambulance because she was too afraid that if they saw her mess, that
the drivers would report it to Dept of Social Service and they would
take her children.

What are we doing to our children? They are growing up in a home that
they are unable to have their friends over to play and do school
work. They don't want anyone to see how they live. They are
embarrassed by their home. Do you know what happens, they end up
playing at someone else's home and you won't we fully aware of their
activities or even worse you keep them secluded in their own home.
You are keeping secrets and these cluttered secrets are going to be
the death of you and your family.

Now let's look at our marriages. We have insulated our lives from the
love that we need to survive. The clutter puts stress on our
marriage. I don't care how strong your love is, clutter whether it is
your husband or yours is stealing the affection you have for one
another. Fights, harsh words and even abandonment have slipped into
this once loving relationship. Do you want this? Are you ready for
Peace?

This is a decision that we have to make. If we want to live in a home
that is not conducive to love: I mean love of self, love of husband,
love of children and love of God: Or do you want to clear your
clutter so that the love that is in your life can bloom and grow.
Right now you are living a life of fear.

Fear is the opposite of love as far as I am concerned. God is love;
Fear is of the Devil: Fear of being without, Fear of not being
understood, Fear of not being loved. Fear is lack of faith in God.
The Devil puts this fear, guilt and worry into our lives. He puts
these obstacles in our path, so that we will not find the peace we
deserve. He wants us to suffer. Do you want him to win? Put your
faith in God and get off your Franny and start to get rid of this
clutter.

I have given you the tools: All you have to do is listen and start
with small jobs. I don't expect you to get it all done at once, but
you have to start somewhere. Many members need to see results
immediately; this is our nature. If we don't, we give up and go back
to our slovene way of life.

I am here to tell you that your home did not get cluttered over night
and it is not going to get clean in one day. We are working on
changing life long habits; this is going to take some hard work and
consistent routines. It will not be a cakewalk, but as you start to
see progress, you will want to go gangbusters.

This is something that we have done to ourselves many times. We work
till we are burnt out. Then we don't want do clean or declutter
anymore because we are so tired. This kind of turn around in your
life is like going on a crash diet. You get the house clean and
before you know it, the place is trashed again. We are putting our
homes on a diet: A diet of behavior modification. I am teaching you a
new way of cleaning and it starts with establishing routines one
habit at a time and decluttering your home 15 minutes a day. Anyone
can do this: Mothers with children, Members that work out of the
home. It is so simple; you just have to start.

Are you tired of living this way? You must be, or you would not have
joined our group. Kelly and I can't help you, unless you want to help
yourself. We can't come to your house and tell you what to get rid
of, as much as we would love to be able to physically assist you. All
we can do is hopefully touch something deep within you that will get
you away from the computer and the TV, and begin your new way of
looking at your life. WITH NO MORE GUILT!

You have found the answer. It is within each of you. Your clutter is
suffocating your true spirit. If you will release this clutter, you
will find the peace and health that you have been yearning for all
your life. It is not just a matter of wanting peace. We have been
WANTING all of our life. This is a matter of actively working toward
our goal of a clean and peaceful home. You can do this by using the
tools: Your routines, basic weekly plan, zone cleaning, 27 fling
boogie, the reminders as well as all of mine and Kelly's Rants on
Attitude adjustment.

Are you willing to work? Ask yourself if you ready to get your Franny
out of that chair and change your life. We don't expect you to do all
of this right off the bat. You are only expected to get dressed to
shoes everyday, keep your sink clean and shiny and declutter for 15
minutes each day. This is it. Anyone can do this!

I want for you what I have, PEACE. I received this PEACE from my
routines. You have all read my testimonial. If not it is on the
website. It takes time and effort on your part. This is not a magic
pill I am giving you. It is a recipe for Peace and you are the
Chef. So let's get ready to for the biggest feast of all: A
celebration of your love of God, Self, Husband, and children. Enjoy
the preparation. It is not a chore; it is a gift of love!

It's Time for you to FLY!

FlyLady

posted by digitalsulis @ 3:55 AM 0 comments

Someday: I heard this song and it really hit me. Becuase I had just had a conversation with Babyd about all the little things that just seem to happen that set you back on your goals. It seems like its always SOMEDAY! It hard to say why that is. No matter how hard you plan ahead, no matter how good your intentions are. No matter ho much you want it. that someday never comes. You end up looking like you don't care or your a fuck up or both.

Like Soul said a long time ago and the statement keeps coming back to slap me in the face. Good intentions are not an exscuse for fucking up. (course I'm paraphrasing here) Sometimes you just have to suck it up deal with your licks and move on getting back to your original goals or if they don't make sense anymore you need to revalutate and give yourself a new direction and new goal to work toward.

Reevaluting is a long hard process. I hope everyone does it once an awhile. Its dragged me through the mud and hurt some people I love but I think I am a better, stronger, and wiser person for it.

NICKELBACK LYRICS

Someday


How the hell did we wind up like this
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables

I wish you'd unclench your fists
And unpack your suitcase
Lately there's been too much of this
Dont think its too late

Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will

Someday, somehow
gonna make it alright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
gonna make it alright but not right now
I know you're wondering when

Well i hoped that since we're here anyway
We could end up saying
Things we've always needed to say
So we could end up staying
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Lets rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a hollywood horror

Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will


Full lyrics

posted by digitalsulis @ 4:48 PM 0 comments

Whats for Dinner? If your like me figuring out what is for dinner and not making the same thing over and over again can be challenging. Check out this site. For the cost of a dinner out you can have your menu for the week and your grocery list all planned out for you and sent right to your in box. How much easier can it get then that. Check it out and for those of you watching your weight they even have a low carb version.

posted by digitalsulis @ 7:24 AM 0 comments

Not a Good Day: Had a miagrain hit me like a mac truck this afternoon. Spending the day in the shower. Probably wont be in chat. Talk to you guys tomorrow.

posted by digitalsulis @ 9:21 PM 0 comments

Think you can Hack the Matrix?: Directions on how to get started are here check out that blog its kinda neat. The Matrix Reloaded

posted by digitalsulis @ 6:21 PM 0 comments

In Command: Today has definetly been a learning experience. I have done more command line stuff today then I have in the last 5 years. Trying to remember how to ftp from the command line was a pain in the butt. Damn long windows file names.

Still working on the ins and outs of using the GIMP which is basically RedHats version of photo shop. There are some things that are really cool. But some times it really annoying because i am sooo used to Photoshop.

Well going to sleep to the music of Soul working. Don't forget to sleep your not a Cyborg yet. Smiles

posted by digitalsulis @ 2:24 AM 0 comments

Are You A Stalker Too?:Well the old girl2 fan site is back up temporarly in this form. We are working on a site redesign to go more with the girl2 add you will see in the header. But for now Just know it has up to date information and links to new items special goings on and in the future possible exsclusive sneak previews of girl2 stuff. It also has all the archives for the old fan site. Happy Stalking!!! G2 Stalkers

posted by digitalsulis @ 2:49 PM 0 comments

The Big Red Hat: Well my Xp died on me. So I had to reinstall an OS on my system. The new server took over my computer and left me with the e-machine. (NO NO I'm not bitter CHOKE CHOKE I'm not bitter sniffle) So I kinda got pushed into using Linux. D/s Productions is out of XP lincenses and so lets just say I ended up with this: Red Hat -- Linux, Embedded Linux and Open Source Solutions

While I have to say Linux has come a long long way over the years. Its almost indistunguishable to the average person to Windows or Mac gui environments. There are tons more programs and other things avialable for it so its not all bad. Just going to take some getting used to. I do however love the multiple screen thing. Not so much clutter when I am working on things.

Well this is only day 1. Ask me again in a month and I will tell you what I really think about Red Hat. I can hope that in that month I will actually learn something.

posted by digitalsulis @ 11:05 AM 0 comments