Life With Sulis

Well the day has dawned. My last day in this apartment. I am freaked and sad. Digi and I had some quality time this morning and that helped alot. We talked through some misgivings we both where having about what was going on. It is sad but I know that people in our life are going to see things in a negative light. Somehow they don't realize that I am not doing whatever it is they think I am doing. But he and I know the truth and I supppose that is all that matters. They just came and got the tv. The house seems empty and lost somehow. I don't like it.Finishing plans to get to phoenix. Should be a grand adventure. Might even get there with a vehicle. We shall see. I am asking for devine guidance maybe I am recieving it.

Thanks to everyone who has poked there heads in on me to say words of encouragement. I appreciate your phone calls and emails. You'll make me feel less alone. Thank you for always being around when I need someone to talk things through with.

babyd thanks for the pep talk. Thanks for letting me get that secret off my chest. chuckles now you know and knowing is half the battle. Are you scared yet? I am!

To the man with the flakey cable modem Thanks for checking in on me, and thanks for agreeing to help me out during this move. you have no idea how much weight that takes off my shoulder. It gives me an escape. plus giggles gives me a legitimate exscuse to hear you talking in my ear.

To Digi, txcwby, txplayer, and wolfman, take care of yourselves. Stay out of trouble. And don't forget me or talk to bad about me when I am gone. And Digi I'll write more to you later privately i just dont want you to feel like i am leaving you out.

To JW hang in there. You are more then welcome to call me or whatever when you need me. I will be thinking about you as I am driving across Texas. specially as the fires from the oilfields light up the night. hugs and it will get better I promise you. If I have to talk to that women of yours myself.

posted by digitalsulis @ 9:00 AM 0 comments

Time to say Good bye: I have been dreading this day for awhile now. Tomorrow Wednesday May 14, 2003 Digi and I will be moving out of our apartment. The home we have shared for the last year and a half. by the beginning of next week I will be in Phoenix. In time to see my beautiful little girl turn 12. She is so excited I can't help but be excited with her. But that excitement comes at a cost. I have to leave something very important to me. My chest hurts, my stomach is sore. I know I am doing the right things for the right reasons but it doesn't make it hurt any less. It doesn't make me any less afraid. All I want is my family back together. All I want is for things to be right. Texas is my home now. My heart is here even if my body never returns. I don't know how I am going to make it through this time. Please keep my family and me in yoiur thoughts and prayers. I try not to ask that of people but I feel I need all the help divine or otherwise I can get. I will keep you all updates as to what is happening. Thank you to everyone who has given me their support over the last coupole of years. You have no idea how much that means to me. And to that person who is busy right now Thank you for making me feel special. I really needed that. I still don't feel worthy of calling for nothing. But maybe I will work up the courage. I fought with myself about it all weekend. I am sure over the next couple of weeks you will be helping me out weather you realize you helped or not. Sometimes all it takes is to know you are there. To know what you would say. So thank you once again, Sir.

posted by digitalsulis @ 7:28 AM 0 comments

Decisions decsions Decisions: Have you ever had to make a decisions you know is right but it sucks anyways? These last couple of years have been like that I have had to make decision to do and not do things that really sucked, but they where the right things to do. I have a certain code of conduct rules to my life that I just can't ignore. The code is telling me I need to be somewhere I really don't want to be because its where I need to be. Circumstances are such that I am going to have to face this one alone. Its frustrating and it hurts. So much time wasted over things that should have never been an issue. I have to inturupt my life once again to deal with this. I am done fighting It end now and here. When cross that state line into Arizona my purpose is clear and true. To clean up the mess that is my life. To find the life that is ment to be mine. I deserve to have happieness in my life and with all the bullshit hanging above my head I can't do it. I can't let go I can't give what I need to give.

Digi, I do love you. There I said it in front of everyone. Leaveing is going to be the hardest thing I have had to do In a year or so. And you know that things have been fucking hard so that is saying alot about what you mean to me. I hope that when I am not here it will give you the freedom and time to learn your path. I'm not afraid of where it is going to take you. I know where your heart is. Confidence and hope is hard to come by when you deal with all that has to do with me and my current life. Find them and live because that is all I have ever wanted for you and you know it .

posted by digitalsulis @ 6:06 PM 0 comments